Back when I first began conducting adoption home studies in the mid 1970’s, a majority of adoptive mothers were “stay-at-home moms”. But as time passed, the proportion of mothers (including adoptive mothers) who work out of the home has increased. Traditional adoption agencies used to require that mothers stay at home for a certain period of time after a child was placed with them. Now, few agencies have this requirement because the patterns of parenting and work have changed so much in our society. Usually, families decide to use day care for their children because both parents are working. However, I’ve also encountered some people who believe that the experience of being in a group of children has educational and social merit. They tell me that their children seem to learn more quickly and that their language skills improve more rapidly because of the interaction with other youngsters.

I must admit that I have never felt really comfortable with this reasoning nor do I feel that group care is the optimal situation for young children. It has always been evident to me that in many circumstances, using day care is absolutely necessary. But I have wondered about the long term effects that day care at a young age will have on children’s personality development. The above article describes the first study I’ve seen on the subject although I’m sure there must be other research of which I’m unaware. I’m sure that my feelings about the need for individual care for babies and small children is a result of my being a member of my generation and also of the professional training I received. But in addition to this, it seems to me that for many children who have been living in orphanages in foreign countries before their arrival here, the experience of individualized care is vital for their personal adjustment. I have seen how the development of a close relationship between caregiver (usually the adoptive mother) and the child has helped the child “fill in the gaps” in emotional and social development that resulted from institutionalized life. I’ve told families that the greatest needs of their newly adopted children are not for learning to share with other children or for social interaction with them. Rather, the greatest need of these children who are new to family life is to learn how to develop strong and enduring relationships with parents, siblings, and extended family. They need to develop their feelings of personhood and self worth which result from the love they receive and the attention to their individual needs. It has been axiomatic in child development that a child’s capacity for social development grows out of his or her very close relationship with a maternal figure. So many of our internationally adopted children have missed this foundation. It is a testament to the resiliency and strength of the children that they can move into family life and develop loving relationships.