When a previous home study client of mine sent me this article, I knew immediately that I had to post it on our blog. It describes the development of separation difficulties in children who have been orphaned and placed in orphanages and it tells the story of a mother’s increasing understanding of her daughter’s needs and of how to meet these needs. Many people (and some social workers)who are new to international adoption, tend to believe that infants do not remember and are not scarred by the traumatic experiences they have so early in life. One colleague told me that she thought the literature on separation and bonding may exaggerate the problems and may frighten prospective adoptive parents. As is obvious from this article, not every baby who has been abandoned and then placed in an orphanage, suffers from these problems. But many do. Some have sensory integration problems of varying intensities. When my daughter arrived from a war-torn Vietnam at two years, four months of age, she exhibited a number of behaviors that seemed symptomatic of trauma and stress. But back in 1974, we did not have the knowledge of how to deal with the separation and trauma that she experienced. I was a social worker and an experienced mother, and I used my knowledge and my instincts to help her adapt to family life in a new environment. But I think we could have done a lot better if the kind of resources we have now, were available to us back then.

When I conduct a home study for folks who are planning an international adoption, I talk with them about the possible conditions that children in orphanages may have. Because it’s difficult for people to absorb a lot of information during a home study (they’re tense and, therefore, can’t always concentrate), I suggest that they take some on-line courses that may be relevant to the kind of adoption they are planning. It’s important for people to read as much as they can and to communicate with people who have already experienced the kind of adoption they are planning.